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Newspaper people, of course, rarely believe anything
they hear-even the real juicy stuff they really want to believe - because
we are taught to seek out the facts before we write the story and fire
up the press. As Canadian Press notes in its authoritative stylebook for
writers and editors: Investigate fully before printing any story or identifying
any individual in a story where there is the slightest reason for doubt.
When in doubt, cut it out. That said, allow me to break the rules by reprinting
some hilarious questions put to witnesses by courtroom lawyers. Are they
real? Gosh, I hope so. Are they verbatim? Well, what are court reporters
for? Do they cast the legal profession in a bad light? You be the judge.
The following questions from lawyers were taken from court records in
the United States and recently printed in the Salt Lake Tribune.
Q: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
Q: Now, doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly
away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
Q: Do you have any children or anything
of that kind?
Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old,
how old is he?
Q: Was it you or your brother that
was killed in the war?
Q: So you were gone until you returned?
Q: You don't know what it was. You
didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q: How
long have you been a French Canadian?
Q: Were you present in court this
morning when you were sworn in?
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I
have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and
ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that
picture was taken?
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how
was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it
terminated?
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you
are now?
A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception
was Aug. 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you
are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed
suicide?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they also?
Q: Have you lived in this town all
your life?
A: Not yet.
Rob Paynter is Editor-is-Chief of The London Free
Press. He can be reached at 667-5545, e-mail at rpaynter@lfpress.com
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