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Once upon a time
- Feudalism
- You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the
milk.
Communism
- Communism
- You have two cows. The government takes both,
hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
- Pure Communism
- You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take
care of them, and you all share the milk.
- Applied Communism
- You have two cows. You have to take care of
them, but the government takes all the milk.
Centralised systems
- Fascism
- You have two cows. The government takes both,
hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
- Dictatorship
- You have two cows. The government takes both
and shoots you.
- Militarism
- You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
- Totalitarianism
- You have two cows. The government takes them
and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Democracy
- Pure Democracy
- You have two cows. All
your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
- Representative Democracy
- You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone
who will tell you who gets the milk.
- Singaporean Democracy
- You have two cows. The government fines you
for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
- American Democracy
- The government promises to give you two cows,
if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached
for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair 'Cowgate',
but supports the president. The cow sues you for breach of contract.
Your legal bills exceed your annual income. You settle out of court
and declare bankruptcy.
- British Democracy
- You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains
and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
- European Democracy
- You have two cows. At first the government regulates
what you can feed them and When you can milk them. Then it pays
you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks
the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you
to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Capitalism
- Capitalism
- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You retire on the income
- Hong Kong Capitalism
- You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap
with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,
with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six
cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the
right to all seven. The annual report says that the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the
two cows because of bad 'feng shui'.
Other World Orders
- Political Correctness
- You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership'
is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past)
two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non- specified gender. You are torn by feelings of guilt, your psychotherapist
recommends a treatment centre. You spend six weeks getting in touch
with your inner self and graduate into Guilty Anonymous.
- Surrealism
- You have two giraffes. The government requires
you to take harmonica lessons.
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